Chicken run vs Vegan run

I often find myself questioning whether reading books actually teaches me anything, or if it’s simply another form of entertainment—albeit a rather poor one at times. But every so often, something I’ve read will unexpectedly stick with me, making all the difference. When I was your age, I, too, developed the habit of reading, and back then, there was one author who reigned supreme in the world of novels. In one of his books, he mentioned that even in the most unfortunate situations—say, an accident—you can learn valuable lessons, like how following traffic rules can make a difference. I’ve never forgotten that quote—except, of course, when I’m behind the wheel. Now, you might wonder how this connects to what I’m about to say. You might even argue it’s a classic case of finding patterns in everything. But honestly, what you think doesn’t matter here, its my blog; what I think is the only thing that counts.

Four months ago, on an unfortunate day, I found myself visiting the GP for what seemed like a trivial illness—a mild fever and a cold. Whenever I catch a cold, it tends to drag on for 10 to 15 days, which feels like an eternity. I was hoping the GP would offer some magic cure to speed things up. She assured me to cure the cold within two weeks with no medication. As a bonus, she decided to check my blood pressure. The first time the monitor started running, it shot up like my electricity bill, quickly exceeding the limit and flashing an “E” for error. I thought it meant infinity, but she calmly reassured me it was likely a malfunction and made some adjustments to take the reading again. But the machine, perhaps sensing the change, started running again, only to stop once more after hitting infinity. The GP, frustrated with the device’s refusal to cooperate, tried to tame it. She yanked at the wires, shook the machine a couple of times, and adjusted it further. Finally, the device, exhausted by the ordeal, settled at 165/105.

Looking at the reading, the GP’s concern was clear. But we’d already spent 8 minutes of our 10-minute appointment wrestling with that machine. Sensing her dilemma, I decided to intervene. I mentioned that I had a family history of high blood pressure and that I was quite familiar with blood pressure monitors. I offered to track my blood pressure every day for the next two weeks and return for further analysis. She seemed relieved and let me go without any more fuss. On the way home, I cursed myself for making such a big deal of this common cold. It was still there, so had to keep blowing it, but also blew it out of proportion this time. As it turns out, this treasure of high blood pressure is our family friend, everyone shares it. A decade ago, another GP had caught it during a routine checkup and placed me under 24-hour surveillance. Fortunately, I stayed just below the 130/90 threshold, narrowly avoiding medication. Then I bought a blood pressure monitor and became obsessed with it for a while. But the wildly fluctuating readings drove me crazy, don't really like anything or anyone—that changes its mind constantly. When my kids stole the batteries for their remote car, it made me feel very relaxed, with a feeling of BP going down substantially down! From then, I successfully avoided having my blood pressure tested in any setting, thereby managing to keep it in check. But, as they say, no good lasts forever.

In a series of unfortunate events, I found myself watching a Netflix series called You Are What You Eat  a week ago. The show, with its vegan agenda, followed a fascinating experiment involving identical twins—one of whom went vegan, while the other maintained a regular diet. It tracked the effects of 8 weeks of plant-based living. The series discussed the dangers of antibiotics in the poultry industry, which made me feel sympathetic toward chickens. I didn't say 'who cares about the chickens given our own rampant use of antibiotics in humans?'. Then they went after farmed fish, revealing their heavily processed diets and the use of artificial colors to mimic the wild varieties. That stung a bit, considering my tendency to buy wild-caught Pacific salmon—at twice the price over Atlantic salmon. But the real kicker came when it revealed the dark secrets of the dairy industry. That’s when I totally submitted myself! Finally, someone was not just bashing the poor meat-eaters, it would be disrespectful not to listen to them.

But going vegan from a strict non-vegetarian diet is like changing religions. I couldn’t walk around with my head held high in society if I made such a drastic change because of my poor health. However, I have run out of options to tame that rebellious blood pressure monitor. Following this sacred vegan diet for 8 weeks felt like a catastrophe waiting to happen. I am stepping into this storm of clouds and rain, but if I played my cards right, I could use it to escape from the radar. That’s when Arjun fell into my trap. After all, I’m your dad, with deeply-rooted Indian values! The trap was simple: I casually mentioned how bad I am at controlling my food habits and how incredible Arjun had been in sticking to a vegetarian diet for two years, despite intense maternal pressure. He grew an inch taller in pride, gleaming with glee. I pushed on, claiming that I could outdo him in self-discipline by going vegan for three months—if I only had the right motivation. The others quickly chimed in, claiming I was all talk and no action. Arjun joined in as well, eager to settle an unrelated score with me. That’s when I threw out the perfect bait: I challenged him to become a non-vegetarian if I succeeded in being vegan for three months. Arjun, ever the sharp one, hesitated for a moment, but then, swept up in the excitement to take the challenge. The others joined in, confident they would win either way. Finally, Arjun had taken the bait, and I had my perfect excuse to experiment with veganism—and, more importantly, to break Arjun’s two-year streak of discipline and out perform him.

When I was younger, one of my aunts used to call me a leech. I’m not sure which one she hated more, but she certainly studied me well. It’s a bit hard for me to let go of things I latch onto. That trait came in handy when it came to my vegan experiment. Chicken, fish, and eggs didn’t stand a chance. But my morning coffee? That was a different story. Milk was off the table, and soy milk? Well, that was an abomination—I would’ve preferred high blood pressure over that any day. I tried almond milk and coconut milk, but none of them made my coffee worth drinking. Finally, I found oat milk, which was surprisingly good, perhaps because I was no longer comparing it to my original milk-based coffee. Once that hurdle was cleared, everything else became easier, as long as I ignored the occasional traces of ghee that would make its way into my food without Arjun's knowledge. Not that I like it or need it, but I can't make people change their way of cooking always! I continued my vegan journey, travelling with my head held high, impressed with my newfound self-control. It felt surreal. My blood pressure had dropped considerably. I used my free private insurance to get a comprehensive check-up, ticking off all the boxes for the tests. While the Netflix series had certainly influenced me, I knew that it wasn’t just the veganism that helped—it was the broader lifestyle changes that came along with it. I gave it a grand send-off by finishing a sub two hours half marathon. I was in the best shape I’d been in for years, with my vegan run proving substantially better than chicken run! 

After four months of my vegan experiment, I returned to my “normal” life—but it wasn’t the same as before. That old unhealthy lifestyle could never return. An hour or two of exercise became my new norm. Junk food felt more like medicine than a treat. Alcohol was only allowed in good company. And I made an oath to continue my veganism for one month every year, just to remember the lessons it taught me. I think I was probably a bit drunk that day, so may not take it very seriously!

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PS: This was written long back, sometime in May 2024, but I got so busy with my active life that I just forgot to publish it! 

2023 recap

Another year passed by, as always, we celebrated yet again, as a ritual that should never be missed. It is indeed a ritual, as I never bothered to think of how the year was spent and how I want the new year to be. All that matters is how the last day of the year is being spent, making the most of the present. Now that I have seen 43 such occasions, I do see the value of these rituals. I don't intent to search for meanings in these rituals by trying to review how the year went by, though some times I wonder it isn't that boring either. The more you watch the netflix, the more you end up getting poor quality content.

By this time I have become so consistent in setting up my goals that I don't even have to think twice. The goals haven't changed for me for quite some time. It is so much easier when you are the only one to review how well you have done with your last year goals. And it becomes even more interesting when you have a philosophical mindset. If the year didn't go as well as you thought, you always have the perfect excuse like 'happiness is not measured by material success'. But there are few things in life where philosophy doesn't really help, like getting up at 6am in the morning, even though that always featured in my top 5 new year goals consistently so far.

You both successfully navigated the treacherous 11plus exams with flying colours. I wish I had taken the complete responsibility of it from the beginning. Your success was pretty evident for me, after all it is my own genetic material. But Ashwini always finds her ways to breed enough insecurities in mind mind, giving the very same reasons. When your job is finding fault in what others develop, you become so good at it. So I lose again and share the responsibilities and credits equally. It is still a big win as in reality I am pretty convinced our efforts had no influence on the outcome. Anirudh made it through comfortably and satisfactorily, but he was very consistent from the beginning in not showing any additional improvements. The additional military drills were mainly to quench our thirst only. On the other hand, soft skinned Arjun showed unbelievable improvement towards the end, but it was way over what we needed. So the overall impact on the end result was really nill. But as parents we did wonderfully well to get our medals. While it was an immensely proud moment, our medals did come with a hefty price tag of moving the home, which is normally considered as a daunting task.

I was told humans naturally tend to worry about things more often than not due to evolutionary reasons. But for some reason I have less evolved skin(it is certainly only skin) that is pretty thick and insensitive to most kind of pains. I consider the reasons to be more philosophical. It is futile to worry about things that you can't control, so being slightly lazier is a feature of highly talented people and not necessarily a defect. But when you have to wake up  at 6:00am to drive your kids 50 miles to their school everyday, I reluctantly agree it was a bit of poor planning. And it becomes a clear mistake when M25 comes on the way where you end up spending two hours atleast while going back.

But on the positive side, these are different experiences that keeps you alive. What is a Life which is monotonous with the same routine every day. These whinings add some color to it. When we initially thought of selling the house, we didn't had huge expectations. But then came the greed, sold nicely by a cunning estate agent, paid with our rational thinking. It is fine to do mistakes, but it is not wise to repeat the same mistakes again. So we ended up accepting an offer that is way below the initial estimate, yet it didn't feel like a bad decision, because we made that decision. The value of house differs from buyer to buyer and it is purely determined by their circumstances. We bought this house mainly for the convenience of school access. Our buyers changed their mind in the last minute because they badly needed another bedroom in the ground floor. I don't think we would have done any better overall if we started with more realistic offer from the beginning. Often we think too much trying to be perfectionists while in reality they hardly matter, like your 11 plus preparations. Yet, we can't and we shouldn't escape those rituals as they provide the comfort of doing our best in whatever we do.

It was also a great experience waking up at 6am every morning. I almost felt I would continue throughout my life as if I was actually missing something in life all these years. It is really hard till you wake up, but once you are up, you feel the real warmth of early morning, even in cold winter. Those are divine experiences for people like me who never getup before 8am. But my experience has taught me that anything that is overly used will become a routine, losing its preciousness. That is the only reason why I went back to my old routine reunctantly, to preserve those divine moments. In fact I even stopped putting that as a new year goal from this year. 

It also provided a great opportunity for our friends to help me by providing food and a place to work during your school hours. In this busy life, people are uncomfortable taking help from others, thinking it will be an inconvenience to others. I know that is outrightly wrong and I have almost convinced Ashwini on this. I love helping others, atleast majority of the people, that I get along very well. I genuinely think it builds stronger 💪 bond between people. It is certainly not about testing true friendships. Trust must always come implicitly. It just multiplies when you provide these opportunities for people to help.

You also achieved another great feat last year. Arjun ended up playing for the U-11 nationals in the table tennis. Being 9th rank with such poor technique is no small achievement. It shows hardwork always wins over skills. Despite being priced heavily for the great techniques, Anirudh couldn't make it. It was no different from 11 plus exams really. Though the training sessions were bit more fun than repeated mock exams, it is the same rituals. If you want to achieve something big, you do need to sacrifice your happiness. Or find a way to enjoy those rigorous drills with a firm focus on the end result. Is that really worth it? You will only know when you have achieved something you have always longed for. 

Not everything was great last year, but that is the life. I lost my chikkappa, the last one to demise from father's siblings. He was the pillar of our big family and much of the credits of our well-being really goes to him. He was also one of the few I loved and admired greatly. We visited him a month before his death and there was completeness, satisfaction in his eyes. His death was painless, something he was really wishing for. But none of them really matters, death is indeed death. Two years back when we lost Manu, I never thought life can be normal again. It is really not normal in many ways. But we need to be like water 🌊, flowing fluently, observing closely, feeling everything, yet not getting stopped by anything.

I finally finished the year by completing one book, Siddhartha. A beautiful philosophical story about an intellect who tries to find meaning in life. I am really happy for him to discover what I had discovered already 😁 It's a real shame that I don't have a very good memory, so I will have to read that again and again.

Lost stories

For a long time, story times have been exciting for both you and me. I always had a sense of pride in telling my own stories. It allowed me to convey what I wanted to tell more elegantly. However when creating stories became harder, I ended up taking the standard stories with little or no modifications at all. Now I have even exhausted them all. Or possibly now I have lost the pride and enthusiasm in creating the new ones. In my work, we often discourage people re-inventing the same thing. That is just waste of time, effort, mis-placed pride and often dis-respect to the hard work done by others. There are many times where I also thought the same about my stories. When people have already spent substantial time in creating good stories, why invent my own? So I wasn't that interested in telling a new story today, but I couldn't find anything readily available in my mind as well. Some times remembering stories is more difficult than creating one! So I started telling the story of Anirudh's imaginary appa.

Once upon a time there was an Appa with two kids. They always used to pester him about a new story before going to bed. Appa told them a new story everyday without failing. However in few years Appa's brain couldn't produce any more new stories. Appa told them 'maga, I have no more stories left to tell you. From today onwards you will have to learn to sleep without any stories'.  But the kids weren't ready to accept that. They insisted to hear the story before sleeping. Appa got very sad about himself and told them. 'Ok, I have lost all my stories now, I will have to go and search where I have lost all those stories' and went out in search of the stories. The kids weren't expecting that. They were shocked to see their Appa going out in search of stories. They started crying 'No Appa, we will sleep without the story, please come back, please come back'. But Appa couldn't hear their cries. He kept on going faster and faster. 

He crossed the village. There was a big river, he crossed that river and went to another village and crossed that too. Like that he crossed several villages and rivers, but still couldn't find any stories. Then he found a big forest. He went inside the forest in search of stories. It was very very dark inside the forest. He was too scared of staying there alone for long. However he wasn't ready to go back without the stories. He kept on moving in the forest. After some time he came near a cave. Inside the cave he heard somebody telling a story. It was an intelligent fox with three cubs. Appa had never heard that story before and he was surprised to hear that from a fox. It was very interesting and entertaining. As the story finished, Appa couldn't control his sleep and fell asleep near the cave.

Next day morning Appa got up and thought of going back. But he had only heard one new story. It would have made his kids happy only for a day. He wanted more stories. So he stayed near the cave for more stories. The next day he heard another new story, more interesting than the first one. Like that he stayed near the cave for many more days, learning many new stories. He even lost count of how many new stories he had heard. Finally, he was happy and headed back to his home.

When he reached his home it was dark. His kids were almost ready to sleep. As soon as they saw their Appa, they started running towards him. They were so happy to see him back, after so many days. They weren't the same kids that he saw when he left the house, they looked bigger. Appa didn't even remember how many days he was away from the home. But they were all happy to see each other. Appa told them, 'come to bed quickly, I have so many new stories to tell you, but I will be telling only one new story a day, like I used to tell before'. But the kids told, 'Sorry Appa, we made you leave our home for stories. So we decided not to pester you any more for the stories. Instead we learned to tell our own stories. Every day before sleeping, one of us would tell one story each day for you so that you can come and join us. Now you don't have to tell us any more new story. But we will tell you one story each day'. Appa became very sad after realizing what he has done. He said 'I am very sorry boys, I will never do this again' and started listening to their stories....

I finished my story and asked Anirudh, as always, 'Did you like my story?'. He looked very sad and said 'No'. Then I asked Arjun 'Did you like my story'. He was very happy and said 'yes'. I asked further. 

'Why did you like the story, Arjun?'

'Because of the fox didn't eat Appa'

'Foxes don't eat people'

'What do they eat then'

'They eat rats, rabbits and chickens, if they can find'.

Before he could ask any more question, I asked Anirudh, 'Why didn't you like the story Anirudh'.

'I didn't like the story because the Appa left'

'But he left to get more stories'

'Still I didn't like him leaving'

'Ok, would you tell a story instead of asking Appa to tell story everyday'

'I will, I will', both shouted at the same time.

Bed time stories

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

My letters are taking really long to come by. I was thinking it is because I got busy with my office work. But deep down I know that is not the primary reason. Yes, I haven't done anything worthwhile other than slogging to get my project complete and doing routine household work in last one year. However if I really wanted, it wouldn't have been difficult for me to squeeze some time to get what I wanted to be done. It is all about priorities in your life. If you really value something, you will make time for that. If you want to give reasons for things you couldn't achieve, you will find thousands of them, without even having to think much.

From last couple of months, I wanted to tell you about something you were really enjoying. That is your bed time stories! Perhaps they get monotonous over the time and you might prefer the standard story book versions later. But for now you don't let me tell what I want to tell. You make me create stories that you want to hear. When Anirudh first asked me to tell 'Crocodile and the purse' story, I was like 'what'? How can there be a story related to crocodile and purse? I thought he asked it by mistake, so offered him 'Crocodile and the Monkey' story. But he wasn't that keen on that, so insisted on 'Crocodile and purse'. I didn't want to accept the defeat of not knowing a story, so I had to tell the 'Crocodile and the purse' story. 

Crocodile and the purse

Once upon a time there was a lady. One day she was going to market to buy some vegetables. On her way to market, a big truck passed by and threw some muddy water on her. So she had to go to a near by river to wash. She kept her green purse down and started washing. There was a big crocodile in that river. It saw the lady keeping her nice purse on the shore. It thought that purse might be very very yummy. So it came towards the shore to eat the purse. The lady saw the crocodile and ran away shouting loudly for help. Crocodile was very happy and ate the purse in one go. But it didn't realize that the purse was made up of plastic. Plastic is very very bad for stomach and doesn't get digested. The purse remained in its tummy and caused severe stomach pain. The crocodile couldn't eat anything. Two three days passed by, but the plastic remained in its stomach with non stop tummy pain. The crocodile couldn't eat anything else, so died in the river. There were few fishermen in that river trying to catch the fish. They thought they were catching a big shark fish, but ended up catching the dead crocodile. Then they opened crocodiles stomach and found a beautiful green bag. The lady found that bag and shouted 'that is my purse, that is my purse' and took away the purse happily. The poor crocodile gave up his life for nothing. 
The moral of the story is that you should never eat/bite plastic things!

I wasn't sure whether you will like my story. It is quite hard to create stories instantaneously. However you seemed to like the story. I kept on improving the story when the same title came again. However you were getting bored with the same story too quickly. So I started getting requests for stories of strange combinations, too often. It was even hard for me to remember my own stories, which is why I wanted to write this letter.

Crocodile and the alligator

Once upon a time there was a big river. In that river there was a crocodile and an alligator. Both were very dangerous. Since they were living close by, they often used to fight for the food. One day when they were searching for the food, they found a big dolphin coming towards them. The dolphin was playing happily leaping out of the water and hopping without knowing there were two dangerous animals waiting for it to come near by. When the dolphin came near, both alligator and the crocodile jumped out and grabbed the dolphin. Alligator grabbed his tail while crocodile grabbed his head. Soon both started fighting to eat the dolphin on their own. Seeing them fighting with each other, the intelligent dolphin made an idea. It said to them, 'crocodile, alligator, please don't fight. You both seem very hungry, so you need to eat me quickly. Since you don't want to share me, I will give you an idea. We will have a 100 meter race. Whoever comes first can eat me'. Both crocodile and alligator thought that is a very good idea, so they agreed to dolphin's plan. Dolphin whistled to start the race. Both alligator and crocodile ran fast to win the race. They were almost equal in the running race, however alligator was slightly faster. Within minutes they finished the race and came back to dolphin. However to their surprise there was no sign of dolphin there. It has escaped when they were racing. Both crocodile and alligator became very sad. They decided not to fight any more and to share their food.

Initially I thought telling my own stories is very easy. You never question like 'how will a dolphin talk when the crocodile has grabbed its head'. You just listen and accept everything without asking any logical questions, just like how I enjoy watching movies. However I start thinking after telling the story. Was it just entertaining to you for few minutes or whether it really had any effect on you. Perhaps the standard stories are well researched and more effective than my instant stories. I have no idea how you pursue a story. So sometimes I try to make my story as logical as possible and try to make it more educational. But often that ends up killing the flow of the story itself. So I had to find a fine balance between the flow and effectiveness of the story.

Milk drinking Cobra
Once upon a time there was a little boy in a village. He was very poor and used to live with his grandmother. Though he was very poor, he was very intelligent and curious about everything. He used to observe everything very closely and used to ask people tough questions. However everyone used to ignore him as he was just a small kid. It used to make him very sad, but he never stopped observing and questioning.
In his village there was a big banyan tree. Near its roots, there was a big anthill where a Cobra used to live. Everyone in that village used to worship that Cobra. They used to pour milk to anthill thinking Cobra will drink that and make them prosperous. The boy wasn't happy because nobody used to give him any milk. He started observing the Cobra more carefully after everyone left. The Cobra came out of the anthill. It looked distressed though there were traces of milk in its mouth. It looked very hungry and was looking for some food. He kept on following it and noticed Cobra eating a rat after some time. It looked very happy after eating the rat. He continued observing it for some more days and observed it only eating rats and not searching for milk. He thought Cobra doesn't like milk which is why it was distressed when people poured milk on it.
He told everyone that Cobra gets distressed with milk and it only likes rats. But everyone made fun of him. They were offering milk for years and Cobra God has made them prosperous. That year their crops were even better, so they decided to offer even more milk. When the day came to offer milk the boy started stopping them but they hit him and threw him out. Then they poured buckets of milk to the anthill and left happily. The boy waited for Cobra to come out distressed, but it didn't come out. Worried he went close and thought of helping the Cobra but it was dead by that time as it couldn't avoid drinking milk. He called everyone back and showed him what they have done. Every one became very sad for not listening to the boy. From that day they decided to listen to everyone and act wisely before acting.

It is hard to know whether you really understand the story and its morals. But I was convinced that you get most of what I tell. But I have no idea how effective they are going to be in shaping you. I don't really remember what kind of stories I used to listen when I was a kid. I can't think of anything that had a huge impact on me. So I think of not really bothering about the 'education' part of it as much as 'entertaining' part. But as always it is easy to think than to implement.

Understanding Anirudh-2

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

I know understanding a person isn't an easy task. Every one is different, their interests are different, behaviour is different, so is their thinking. But it is certainly an exciting task trying to get a better understanding of some ones thought process. Sometimes I feel it is just like any other job. The more you get involved in it, the more precise your predictions will be. When it comes to you, I felt it might be even more easier. There isn't any deviation from what you think and what you do. Yet, I have been trying since several months to understand you better. I will certainly have to continue my experiment for several years to really understand you better.

Some time back I read an article which explained how identical twins sharing the same genes, having the same upbringing, will end up with totally different personalities. Essentially, there is a mechanism by which environmental changes alter the behaviour of our genes. It involves a process called methylation, which occurs when methyl, which floats around the inside of our cells, attaches itself to our DNA. When it does so, it can inhibit or turn down the activity of a gene and block it from making a particular version of a protein in our bodies. All sorts of life events can affect DNA methylation levels in our bodies: diet, illnesses, ageing, chemicals in the environment, smoking, drugs and medicines. Except for dresses, we have never treated you differently! So the methylation in your case must have been different when you were still in the womb!

I have told you how different you both were an year back. This is the second annual review! In last two years, I think I have got a reasonably good understanding of your behaviour. In short, Anirudh is an active outgoing person interested more in practical things whereas Arjun is more of an intelligent introvert, just like me :) Well, I am certainly wrong in many counts, but I still like to believe I have really understood you very well!

I was quite amazed at Arjun's interest in books from the beginning. Don't get too excited, as my comparison is only with Anirudh. I haven't done anything special to induce any interest in books. After your birth, I don't even remember reading any books myself! Arjun started coming to me voluntarily with a book in his hand asking me to show things. When I started showing him different types of animals, he was all ears to know them more. Within a span of one week, he could identify most of the animals in that book. I was really surprised at his interest and ability. On the other hand, Anirudh showed no interest at all. He would only come to me when he was too jealous of Arjun. But when I started showing him things, it was very evident that he wasn't keen on learning. He just wanted to grab my attention from Arjun. He was more interested in playing with the book and tearing it apart.

The same goes true for rhymes and other things as well. Arjun shows more interest in listening to rhymes and trying to enact. But not Anirudh. A lot of time I get confused as whether Arjun is really an obedient student or just wants to show off! Though Anirudh doesn't respond to our requests, I have found it really hard to understand his inclination towards learning. Once in a while he comes and surprises me by telling things which he might have overheard from Arjun. I think he also has the same level of ability as Arjun, but he wants to do things with his complete control rather than being told by others.

Anirudh is way ahead of Arjun when it comes to trying new things. He is more keen on repairing things than playing with it. He could learn how to switch on the mobile phone and unlock it without any help. He was also the first one to learn how to open the washing machine door, switch on/off television etc. His interest in playing with blocks to build structures is also far exceeding than that of Arjun. Certainly Arjun isn't as good as him when it comes to creativity.

But Arjun is cunningly smart in other things. I can see some of my genes being shared only with Arjun! He doesn't generally disturb Anirudh. He is more or less satisfied with the toys given to him. However Anirudh is only interested in what is there in Arjun's hands, even though it is the same as the one given to him. Whenever we are watching, Arjun is always the one getting bullied. But when we are not watching, he is good at protecting himself! Anirudh doesn't get that art of deceiving.

However the more I observe your behaviour closely, the more I find about new things. Most of the time contradicting my earlier conclusions! You often seem to swap your behaviour. When I almost come to a conclusion that Anirudh is the one who likes people more, you change! Anirudh starts crying at strangers and Arjun starts mingling with them far more quickly. When I almost decide that Arjun is the one getting bullied always, he learns to become more aggressive, attacking Anirudh at every possible opportunity. You just don't let me make up my mind clearly on anything.

I also can't really make out what you really think about each other. I haven't seen you playing happily with each other for more than 5 minutes. One of you will get bored within 5 minutes and start a fight! You certainly fight more often than you play with each other. No matter how much you fight with each other, I have lately observed the strong bond between you. Whether it is just for the pleasure of fight or something else, you don't like to be away from each other for a long time. The fights are always within our home. I haven't seen you fighting with each other outside the house. Your child minder says you defend each other in cases of conflicts with other kids.

Despite your changing behaviour, I think few things don't change much. Arjun remains to be an introvert, sensitive, matured person whereas Anirudh continues to be an explorer, naughty, childish. Though you both look the same, I don't see much in common when it comes to your behaviour.

Update:
I think I started writing this almost 6 months back before the elections and office work swallowed me completely. Many things have changed in last 6 months. The developments that you are showing are amazing. You started speaking many words. You can understand us fairly well. You can also interact with us fairly well. Some of your behaviour has also changed in those 6 months. Anirudh does show interest in books now. He is more interested in listening to stories than Arjun. However majority of the things remain the same. Arjun is still the same matured intelligent person and Anirudh is still the same naughty boy.

Understanding Anirudh

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

Once in a while, I feel you both are really wasting a lot of my time. Then I realize, may be it is not really wasted. Earlier, I would have used that time in browsing the internet to have some fun or to gather some knowledge. While looking after you, in a way, I am not missing either of them. It is a lot of fun to be around with you to see your naughty things. At the same time, I do believe I am learning a lot of new things as well. I have mentioned many times earlier that I knew nothing about babies before. Today, I am more than confident about raising new born babies. I have a better understanding of what patience really means. More than anything, it is a wonderful opportunity to have a better understanding of human behaviour in general, which is one of those items always on of my todo list. I do understand each person is different. But observing a lot of people closely will definitely help in understanding it better. What could be more useful than trying to understand two people from their birth.

You know, people often say children are like gods. Neither I have experienced 'god' nor observed any children closely before.  So, I really didn't know how true that was. I think the comparison is made mainly based on their forgiving nature and unparalleled innocence. Now that I understand children much better, I don't agree with it any more. I am not saying they are not innocent or not forgiving. They definitely are. But, they forgive because they forget. They are innocent because their brain isn't matured enough like adults. During the first 3 months, the only thing that you did was eating and sleeping. Innocence isn't really the right word to describe that. It was very clear that your brain wasn't matured enough to understand more  complex feelings. You were quite good in expressing the basic feelings of comfort and discomfort.  Hunger, stomach ache, trapped wind, sleep are all classified as discomfort which you used to promptly display by crying. Holding, cuddling and feeding were all comfort which was also displayed promptly. I thought there wouldn't be anything interesting to observe at that stage as your brain still had a long journey to travel before showing anything worth observing. But, I was wrong!

Right from the birth, we always tried our best to treat both of you in the same way. Ideally, it should have been an easy task at that stage as you were yet to show any unique traits that might differentiate you both as different individuals. But, despite our efforts, we always ended up showing more care to Anirudh. Not because we liked him much, but only because he forced us to do that! You may not know that you both started out as a single embryo may be for 2-3 days before splitting in to two. You both were almost of the same weight when born. I wasn't really expecting any drastic difference in your behaviour as identical twins. But how wrong I was! It was very evident within a month how different Anirudh was compared to Arjun. There is a saying that eldest one will always be mild compared to the younger one. I never believe in such things, so really sad to see that hold true in your case!

Anirudh had put on about 300gms of extra weight within the first two months. And, he had a stronger voice too. But what was not clear to me was how did he learn to use that completely for his advantage in such a small age. I never read anything loudly when he was still in the womb! I don't even think he has a sharp hearing. I am trying to teach him his name from last six months, but still he hasn't come anywhere closer to learning that! Then from where did he learn to steal the stage by side-lining Arjun completely? It was almost difficult to hear Arjun's voice whenever he wanted to express something whereas it was almost impossible to stand Anirudh's cry for more than few minutes. It was also very easy to comfort Arjun where as it used to take double the time to comfort Anirudh. We were absolutely clueless about his demanding nature, so just went with his way to keep some peace at home.

When you were five months old, I was desperate to bring Anirudh back to the track. We started some kind of sleep training, to which Arjun wasn't protesting much. But Anirudh wouldn't just care. He always wanted to sleep being rocked till he went to deep sleep. Any attempt to put him down before he was completely asleep would be a nightmare. At 5 months, I was determined to follow the same routine for both of you, no matter how hard that might be. First day, it took more than 1 hour 30 minutes to put him to sleep. Next day I started observing him more closely. It again took almost 1 hour, but noticed that he had a burp which took almost an hour to come out and he instantly fell asleep following that. I tried the same thing for few more days and realized that it is the reason behind those relentless crying pretty much every time. That really opened my eyes to a certain extent. Anirudh wasn't being demanding all these days without a reason. He was having more pain than Arjun, for which he was asking for the help. We have just failed to understand him for a long time trying to compare him with Arjun.

After that I started observing Arjun also more closely. To my surprise, I started noticing that, even Arjun was having burping problems. But he wasn't crying as much as Anirudh for that. I have even seen him playing when he had burp. So, why is Anirudh making it such a big issue? How do I know whether Anirudh is really having more pain than Arjun? How do I know what is going on in their mind when they are having pain? There may not be an easy answer for my questions.

That took me back to some of my own incidents when I was a child. Once, when I was in 4th standard, I had an inch long thorn in one of my feet for few days, still didn't talk about it with anyone. When it made me very difficult to walk, some one used a pin to take the thorn out and was shocked to see the size! In the summer vacation of 4th standard, I was playing a war game with my friend using a bamboo stick, and my index finger was chopped from the top by one of his hits. I didn't even notice that in the spirit of the game till I saw the blood flowing down fast and the finger tip almost about to fall down! I don't even remember shedding a drop of tear for the pain. I am sure, a lot of others would have cried for hours for that pain.

But, does that mean all others who express more pain than it really seems are just showing off to get some attention? How do I really understand their pain with a wound similar to mine? What really is pain and why people express it in such a painful way that pains me more than bearing that pain itself? I can turn down the action of an adult as a mere act to grab some sympathy. But, what about Anirudh who is just 2 months old and doesn't even understand what sympathy means. Definitely, there is something wrong in my logic of comparing the pain from two people with a similar wound. After thinking for some time, I realized the simple thing I have been missing all along these years.

Like many other things, pain is also a relative thing. One's pain is always linked to his level of 'pain threshold' - the maximum pain that he can bear without expressing it outside. The 'pain threshold' is a basic instinct that is very hard to change. I might have been lucky in having a high pain threshold where as others may not have been that lucky. I haven't done anything knowingly to increase my ability to bear the pain. It just happened! So, it would be very unfair to compare some one else's pain to my own or to suspect them of doing that for some sympathy. Pain can never be compared, it can only be felt!

Perhaps, I can understand others pain much better now, but I only need to remember this more often, and also not to think about it any further!

Theory of difficulty - 2

If I accept that it is a difficult task to manage you along with work, complaining alone will not help. It might get some sympathy but doesn't help me solve the problem. I need to look at available solutions as well. What are the options that we have? Having some one from India will surely help. But that doesn't work for us. One of us can chose to stay at home. That one has to be Ashwini for many reasons. But that won't help much as well as she will be loaded with all the work. She will still have to depend upon me for few things. The only sound option is to go back to India. That would work really well as there is no dearth of helping hands there. Even if I can't find any support within the family, I can still employ someone for household work. We had a maid for household work when it was just two of us staying in Bangalore. So moving back would surely solve all our problems if we think it is a problem. Then why are we not going back to India? No one has forced us to come here to lead a tough life. No one is begging us to stay here for longer.

If we go back to India, it will surely make our job easier as per as your care is concerned. However it will take away the comfort of our life style from many other aspects. The roads will not be as smooth as here. The environment will not be as clean as here. The healthcare will not be as efficient as here. It will fix one problem but will end up adding others. However, none of them would have appeared as problems if we have hadn't lived here for last 5 years. Five years of comfortable lifestyle had made us forget the life style we were used for more than 25 years! It was the same experience I had after moving to Bangalore for work! The coastal weather had suddenly turned hard to bear though my body was used to it for 22 years of my life!

My mother used to tell some interesting stories of her life. When they were kids, they even had to struggle for stomach full of food. Though poverty was very common during those days, there was no shortage of rice for living. Still the elders were too cautious about the future and used to provide as little as possible to them. They were neither allowed to go to school or enjoy the childhood like we used to do.

The conditions under which we were brought up was entirely different from the conditions in which you are growing. We are taking care of you without much help from our family due to our personal reasons. However my mother didn't have great support when she brought up four of us. There wasn't much place for us in my fathers house due to the big undivided family there. My grand mother was restricted to bed due to her illness, so she was an additional responsibility along with us. My father couldn't come home everyday due to work and other reasons. We were grown up mainly with the support from our neighbours and one of our aunt.

The village where we grew up had no roads. The nearest hospital was nearly 5 miles from home out of which around 3 miles were walk way. The availability of buses to rest of the journey was also very limited. There were no doctors in our village neither any vehicles to rent. When one of us fell ill, either my mother or grandfather used to walk those five miles carrying us on their shoulder. Without any access to the medical information, without any knowledge of basic health care issues, I can only imagine how difficult it would have been for them when we started getting different illnesses.

Apart from the normal difficulties that we are also facing, they also had to undergo some unusual issues. Our house was very close to the river. During rainy season there used to be floods surrounding our house completely with the water. Some times it used to take 3-4 days to go down and we would be completely cut off from the outside world. There were 2-3 cases where it even came till our kitchen forcing us to vacate the house. Our house was very old and it would often invite unintended guests like snakes, scorpions etc. Spiders and centipedes were more common. Surrounding our houses there were also couple of open wells and ponds. They had to watch and protect us from all these things as well in addition. Here we are even afraid of leaving you on your own in protected rooms. Imagine how difficult it would have been for them.

There are hundreds of such issues that they had to face while bringing us up. There are others, in our family itself who had to face even tougher times. If I compare what they had to go through with us, there is no way I can call anything that we are facing as tough task. Still, if we feel that it is tough, we really don't have any idea about the real problems people are facing. It isn't just our problem. People in general have very short memory. A short stint in Bangalore makes me completely forget about the humid, hot coastal weather that I had grew up with. A short stint in western country makes it really hard for me to adjust back to the Indian lifestyle that I lived for 28 years. My definition of difficulty is changing fast with the time. In other words, there isn't anything called absolute difficulty. Everything is relative.

For a person striving hard to earn his bread, people like us are living a heavenly life. Where as people like us despite having everything essential in life worry too much about things that we don't have! The more I think about the nature of difficulty, the less I feel I have understood it. When should I really call a situation as difficult? Is it always relative or is there a point at which the comparison ceases to exist? My definition of difficulty is a tough situation without an easy way out. An unfavourable situation imposed on me without my consent. A situation that makes my present miserable even after concentrating all my efforts, resources on that. Certainly your care is not one of that. This is neither imposed nor unsolvable. If it can be fixed, there is no point in calling it as difficulty. If we really think it is difficult, is just because of a failed judgement over priorities of life!

Think of people having chronic illness that disrupts all their plans of life. Think of people under dire poverty where meeting two ends of meal itself is a challenge. Think of people who have lost all their hope of having a better life. There are millions of people facing these difficulties every minute, still some of them are optimistic about their future. Whereas millions of people with all the basic necessities or even the luxuries of life still feel they are leading a miserable life. The more you look at what you don't have ignoring what you have already got, the more difficult the life becomes. Without facing difficulties, it is hard to realize what happiness really means. The more I understand it the more I enjoy these circumstances. I don't complain about my changed life because I don't have the right to complain. The change might irritate me at times, but it will surely make me delighted to look back few years down the line!

Theory of difficulty - 1

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

Have I ever told you how difficult it is to manage you both? Probably not. I was often told by people that we are doing a great job of coping with you and our work. I just smile to them, without starting with my long story. I am sure you are willing to hear the story of our daily routine atleast once. You can decide for yourself later whether it is a tough task or not.

Ashwini gets up at 6:30 in the morning, prepares the breakfast and leaves to her office at 7:30AM. I get up quite late between 8:00-9:30. It is a complex algorithm depending upon too many factors which even I don't understand properly. Then I get ready for office which only takes half an hour. Since I have to drop you to child minder on my way to office, I need to get both of you ready for that. That involves a series of sub tasks like brushing, searching for dresses, changing nappies, putting two three layers of clothes etc. It also used to involve giving the breakfast which I managed to offload to your child minder. Occasionally I end up sharing my breakfast with you as it is difficult for me to get ready when you are awake. Then I drop you to child minder on my way to office. When the weather is not friendly, taking you till the car itself is a pain. The moment I drop your hand, I invite all sorts of problems.

For us office is the place for relaxing. It doesn't mean that we don't do any work at office. It is much easier compared to our struggle at home. Since we have to pay our child minder on hourly basis, I only spend around 7 hours at office. I have successfully convinced my manager that I work very hard after going home as well by sending mails late night. So leaving office early was never a problem for me. Then I pickup you both and return back to home between 6:00-6:30PM. After that I start preparing for the dinner. Since you don't allow me to do anything, I also need to make sure that there is a constant supply of snacks to keep you occupied. Ashwini will come back home at around 7:30 and then takeover the kitchen responsibility, while I take care of you. By the time your food is ready it will be 8:00PM. Then she will start feeding you which will take around 30 minutes to one hour depending on your mood. Meanwhile I take some rest locking myself to the laptop for 30 minutes. Then I take bath and prepare things ready for your bath. You will be ready for the bath by that time and I give bath to one of you. Ashwini will clean the mess you created during dinner and give bath to another when I am done. After your bath she will take bath while I play with you for 10-20 minutes. You will be ready to sleep at around 9:30 and it is my task to make you sleep. That is another nightmare task which takes around 1 hour. Meanwhile Ashwini will complete the kitchen duty for our dinner. When you are fast asleep it will be around 10:30 to 11:00. That is when we get our complete freedom back! Ashwini will get a solid 1 hour break and I get 2 before we go to bed. Ofcourse we have to do some office work as well in that time, but we are not allowed to count that as work!

Friday is a special day as we both work from home to save some money from child minder. Working from home and managing you both is nothing short of any adventure. The routine remains the same, except that Ashwini will have to take the extra responsibility of giving you both breakfast and lunch. Her office is more demanding compared to mine so she needs to take more calls while working from home. During calls, only one of us can work(or pretend to work). Luckily putting you to sleep in the afternoon is much easier, so we get a good 2 hours of time to work peacefully!

The weekends aren't any less challenging. In fact we prefer weekdays to weekends in most of the days. We don't have to do office work, but there will be loads of other work like shopping, grocery shopping, cleaning etc. Managing time for all these is definitely tougher than doing the regular office work!

All these are assuming things are going normal. But things will seldom be normal. Every week you will attract some kind of bug and disrupt our schedule completely. Most of the time one of you will catch the bug, play with it for a week and then pass it to the next one. Everything will take double the effort when you are down with those bugs. Our schedule will be updated with frequent visits to GP and hospital . We don't get free sick leave for your illness, so it is a bigger problem on week days. In addition to the work, it is also a problem for the sleep. If you don't sleep peacefully, we can't think of sleeping either. When you are sick you throw up more than what you take in. In addition to cleaning that, we will also end up changing a lot of clothes with a big pile for washing! The medicines also needs to be given in time so we end up keeping the alarm for odd hours. Most of the time we keep doing that for 10-15 days in a row!

Some people were saying earlier that having twins is a problem only at the beginning. As they grow older, they will play together paying back the time that they have taken earlier. We are waiting for that day eagerly, since a long time. I am not really sure whether that day will come any time sooner. You guys like to fight with each other more than you want to play with each other. No matter how many different toys you were given, you always want the one in others hand! More often it turns physical with one you hurting the other badly. None of the solutions in the internet works when it come to these matters. However we do see one of you playing in your own world sometimes. Unfortunately that often happens when the other one is down with fever! 

So what do you think about our daily routine? Is it really a difficult job? You don't have to tell me. Your answer doesn't matter. May be it looks difficult in the eyes of some people. May be it looks monotonous to some people. But I don't think it is a difficult job. There were definitely times when I had lost my control yelling at you. There were definitely times when we felt it was too difficult to continue with that kind of routine. There were definitely times when it all looked too monotonous. But I can assure you that all those were momentary times. I never really complained to anyone saying it is a difficult job. I couldn't complain because I didn't have the right to complain...

The passport story - day 2

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

In a way, it wasn't that bad. If you were not twins, I wouldn't have avoided going to the embassy for the second time. Other than that, I didn't have anything else to calm myself. I have wasted 9 hours waiting for nothing.

After reaching home, I immediately opened their website. I had to continue my cursing for asking those useless self attested copies without mentioning it in the website. Surprise, surprise! By the time I reached home, they have already updated their website. It clearly mentions about the self attested photo copies for the passport application now! How can that happen. I clearly remember going through that at-least thrice. Selective reading! I can read only what I wanted to read. The concept of the self attested photocopy with originals has become so alien to me that I couldn't notice that even after going through it multiple times. Whom should I blame now? The officer who was blindly following the procedure without any concession? The age old policy itself? Or my blindness due to preconceived notions?

I went to the embassy again after two days. Same routine. Get up early in the morning, travel to London, stand in the queue in biting cold for 2 hours. Wait for one more hour inside the embassy. Finally my turn came. I had to avoid the person with whom I had already had a big fight. I can't trust these people. Even if all the documents are fine, they can still find ways of harassing. Luckily, I didn't had to do anything to avoid him. I gave all the documents one by one. I was an expert in this process now. Everything got finished in just 10 minutes!

I came out of the embassy happily and took a tube to Hounslow, where I had parked my car. That is close to an hour journey. It was off peak time, so it wasn't that crowded. I got a seat to sit. After sitting, I really wished I hadn't! In-front of me, there was a lady of Indian origin. I think she was somewhere between 30-35. For an Asian origin, her dress was irritatingly liberal, exposing her thunder thighs! I was in a fix. How can I be normal? If I just look straight, I will be only looking at her. In normal situations that is fine. But with her extra liberal revealing dress, it was difficult. If I don't look at her at all, that will look too odd. I didn't even had a book to pretend reading something. It was really irritating, but I tried to be as normal as possible, as if I wasn't bothered with her dress at all.

All of a sudden, her face turned red with anger and she got up and charged towards me. 'You old bastard, what are you doing, what are you looking at', she screamed at the top of her voice. I was completely nervous and my face turned white in shame! I was certainly not peeking at her thunder thighs! Well, that is not entirely true. Unless you were making some effort, you will be looking only at her thighs! Did she misunderstood me if I had accidentally looked at her revealing dress? Even if I did, why would she really get so upset. Obviously she has dressed up like that for others to see.

'Show me your phone, show me your phone' she shouted and reached towards me. And then, she tried to snatch the phone from the person sitting next to me! I was relieved! Apparently the person sitting next to me was using his phone to take her photos or videos. She saw the reflection of the phone screen from the train window and understood what he was getting at. I knew he was constantly looking at the phone but didn't realize he had the courage to do that so openly. He looked like a silent person of asian origin aging between 40-50.

Her mother was also there and both of them started scolding him with all the beautiful words in their vocabulary. I could never imagine me scolding anyone with that language. Anyways he deserved it. She even hit him twice in the attempt of grabbing his phone. He constantly refused that he didn't take any video. But it was very obvious to everyone as what he was doing. That is the reason he couldn't give his phone to check the same. Both mother and the daughter continued their abuses threatening him to call the police. I was in a dilemma now. Should I continue to sit next to this peeping Tom or should I move to a different place? I couldn't decide anything quickly. They would have continued with their scolding for some more time, but their stop came next and they had to get down the train. Just before getting down the old lady uttered another abuse. 'I pray to god that your daughter gets raped terribly'!

What! What the %*£# are you talking? Why are you bringing his daughter to this issue. Why should she get punished for her fathers fault? By the look of her, I was sure she would have enjoyed seeing that horrible act. Now I was in a bigger dilemma. Who is the lesser evil of these two people? The guy who took a secret photo of the lady exposing herself or the lady who wished his daughter pay the price for the mistakes of his father! How can a lady who can't withstand her daughter getting illegally photographed, withstand someones innocent daughter getting raped? How shame it is to be an elderly women without being compassionate to another women. The sayings are definitely true, women are their own worst enemies. It is certainly not the first time I am witnessing that, sadly. Anyways, she at-least solved my first dilemma. There was no need for me to change the seat!

I got your passports after a week. They were also supposed to send a document about the birth certificate, which never came. I didn't have the patience to call the embassy to track that. I just hoped I will never need that document. Between, here is your passport. Even I can't believe that is really yours, but certainly it is!

The passport story - day 1

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

You know that your first 17 days were spent in the special care unit at hospital. After you came home, there was some pressure on me to get your passports sorted as quickly as possible. Our family members were really sceptical about our ability to take care of you without their support. I wasn't paying much attention to their concern, so dragged it to 3 more months. But we couldn't drag that further as we had to book our flight tickets for your first India visit.

Apparently, getting the Indian passport is as tough as getting the UK visa. That is probably true for any work that needs to be done at Indian embassy or any other government office. I wasn't that sure whether it is really that difficult or people feel it that way after getting used to UK culture. I didn't want to risk much, so talked to one of my friends who had gone through the pain fairly recently. Based on the inputs from him, I went to Indian embassy site, downloaded and filled all the forms. Taking the photo was a challenge, especially when you want to save some money and want to avoid going out to a photo booth in the winter. So, I started taking your passport photo myself. There are quite nice websites which helps you in creating the passport size photos for a fraction of the money that you pay for the professionals. But taking the photo was a bit of challenge as you were just 3 months old. You still needed head support and having a clean white background masking the supporting hand wasn't really that easy. Somehow we managed to get some acceptable photos meeting the requirements. If you didn't like your first passport photo, please don't blame me. With all the effort, I couldn't make you look any batter!

Indian embassy in London is truly committed to give the feel of India to everyone coming there. So, they haven't implemented any appointment system. Based on the suggestions, I went there fairly early in the morning. I had to start at around 5:30 to reach the queue at 7:30AM. I am not used to getting up early and to the horrible early morning cold. There were already 15 people in the queue before me. We had to wait for close to 2 hours to get the token number. They have also retained our culture of making every official process purposefully complicated. To get the passport, we first had to register your birth at the embassy as a separate process paying separate fee. After that I had to go out looking for a photocopy shop to get some documents photo copied and then to a post office to get a return envelop. I have no idea why it needs to be so complicated.

After that, I went to the passport counter. But my token number was already been called as it was more than an hour in the registration section. I managed to submit my forms ignoring their call based on the token number. There were only two counters for passport service. When I submitted my forms to the officer, his look was typical of a strict school teacher. A teacher who knows that the student has copied his homework without even checking it. I submitted two forms together, to get some sympathy. I was used to get sympathy everywhere I go because of you both. People here really understand the pain of bringing-up new born babies. When it is double, the trouble is also double, as well as the attention and sympathy. However, I was in the counter of Indian embassy. A nation having more than a billion people. A nation where it isn't manly to understand the pain of bringing-up new born babies. Of-course, I can't expect them to understand that I may not have had good sleep for days and needed some courtesy. I can only blame my eyes or spectacles for masking my tiredness of sleep deprivation. Even if it was evident, I would have been grateful if they haven't mistaken that for a hangover. Anyways, after giving two forms, I obediently took one back as he ordered me to submit one at a time. He looked at all the documents, wrote down few things and then asked for the photo copies. I was fairly sure everything was fine. Of-course I had already talked to my friend and looked at their website several times. Then he asked 'where is the signature on the photo copy'?


What? Signature on a photo copy. Dude, I have given you all the originals. Why do you need a self attested photo copy when you can verify that from the originals itself? If you really needed a self attested photo copy, why don't you mention that clearly in the website. You didn't ask for a self attested copy for the same document that I had submitted earlier for the birth registration. But I knew there is no point in arguing about the useless process with them. That will only ignite their ego without any benefit for me. So, I said I will get the signature and come back. I took the token back as I won't be able to enter again without that.

I put my signatures on all the copies, But how do I get Ashwini's signatures as she is probably 4 hours away from the place. What if I forge her signature? Will they come to know about that? If I look at my own signatures, I really can't be sure that they are all really mine. It is so hard to get all the signatures look alike. Given that, why would they even want to verify those signatures when the original documents are in-front of them. I am not trying to sell anything to anyone. I am only trying to get a passport for my new born babies. Why would they really think I would indulge in some kind of shady business to get a passport for my babies. But, I am dealing with Indian government officials. There isn't much room for rational thinking here. So, I called up my wife. She said 'just sign on the copy. Legally they don't have any reason to complain as I don't have any complaints about the same'. That looked logical to me. Without a complaint from the person whose signature is forged, what can they really do. I checked with her again and she seemed quite confident about that. I forged her signature on the photo copies and went inside with a slight fear of doing something wrong.

I was sure it won't be smooth if I go to the same person. So, I waited for the right opportunity to submit my documents in a different counter. Luckily I observed that a lady also forged her husband's signature in-front of the officer and he just gave her a warning, but didn't reject the documents. So went to him, gave the token and submitted all the documents. Then he asked for the photo copies. I gave them too. But I realized I still had forgotten to put a signature in one of Ashwini's copies. How irresponsible I was! But it was too late. I looked at the officer. He was busy verifying my documents. I quickly forged her sign in the paper and passed it to him. But to my unluck, he was really intelligent! He checked the copy twice and yelled at me, 'this isn't your wife's signature'. Yes, I know that, but what other option had you left for me. I replied 'No, it is my wife's signature. All the signatures can't be similar. Look at my own signature in different forms. They don't look similar either'. There was confidence in my defence. 'Do you think I am a fool. I have seen you forging the signature in front of my eyes. I will take you to court in the forgery case. We do have security cameras that might have caught you red handed', he retorted back. There was more anger in his voice. 'By all means go to the court. That is my wife's signature. There is no need for me to forge when I have the original copy'. I thought there can't be a legal case after speaking to Ashwini. But looking at his anger and confidence, I wasn't really sure about that now. But I didn't think the security cameras will have enough clarity as to know whose signature I was putting. I wasn't even sure he will have the intention/time to take me to court. That gave me a dumb courage. He continued yelling at me framing me as fraud, an insult to the nation. I reminded him that he also accepted a similar forged document from the previous lady though she accepted that it was forged. That didn't make much difference. I continued my argument for a while. Realized that it is not going to take me anywhere. Then I started pleading. I explained him how difficult it is to manage two babies, how overly complicated this process really is, how difficult it would be to repeat the same process again. That didn't work either. Then I told him 'if you don't believe that it is really my wife's signature, I will go and get her signature again. It won't take more than an hour'. He wasn't ready to accept that either. 'You have already cheated once, I can't believe you. You have to come again. I am not giving you the token again' and he tore it off in-front of me. I was boiling with the anger and helplessness. But there was nothing I could have done to convince them. He would have been convinced if I was a good looking hindi speaking lady! If my scolding had any power, he wouldn't have been discharged from the hospital for few months!

The first birthday

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

It is more than three months since we celebrated your birthday, but it took so long for me to write about it. Your first birthday was very special to me. Not just because it was 'your' first birth day. Because it was the first time we organized anything on our own!

When I was in school, I used to take part in lot of competitions. But, when it came to organizing something, I had always been a back bencher. I didn't organize anything on my own when I was in school or in college. I left it for my brother to handle every function at home. I didn't do anything worthwhile during my marriage. I didn't even do anything special for your baby shower. So I was quite nervous when it came to your first birthday celebration.

I am not a big fan of any grand celebrations. I see them as some kind of show offs in many of the cases. The first birthday is even more 'special' in that sense. It is more of a hassle for you than celebration. The celebration is all for us. So I wasn't really very keen on celebrating the same. It makes more sense to celebrate only those birthdays where you can really have some fun. But, I had a dilemma there. Since I haven't organized any functions on my own, I wouldn't be really certain whether it is my fear of organizing the first party or the concern of your inconvenience that is really influencing me to take that decision. The party isn't going to be any more inconvenient than going outside at the same time. Both would make you feel uncomfortable by messing up your sleep time. So, I shouldn't be so worried about that, at-least for a day. Though it feels little weird to make you uncomfortable knowingly on your birthday. I know what would have really made you happy on your first day. Some new usb cables, a lan cable and probably a hdmi cable! Very cheap and easy to arrange. But we have already decided that it is not going to be your turn for celebration!

Dhruva's birthday party was the last party that we have attended. It was a nice evening party that looked like professionally organized. I was there too for some of the preparation and still remember Swathi's tense face like a player who had to score 4 runs in the penultimate ball! If that was her situation with one kid, what would be ours with two? So, we started planning for the event more than a month before! It was easy to finalize the hall and caterer. As you might be knowing, I am too lazy to look at more options. More options mean more work and more confusion. So I generally stick to the first one that I felt better. We saw two halls and finalized one of them without thinking much. We didn't even consider any options for the catering, just went with the one used by one of our friends earlier. A lot of other things were a textbook requirements. It was easy to finalize them as well based on the inputs from others. Only the main thing left was hall decoration.

I had a reasonably good idea as how difficult it would be based on the experience from two of my friends party. Since the hall rent was based on the duration, we tend to save some money, ending up with too little time for decoration. Most of the time people go there without any preparation and then lose the battle to time and confusion. We had a good advice from Swathi regarding the planning. So we went to the hall once again to see how we could do the decoration. It was good that we did that. The hall wasn't that co-operative for a birthday party decoration. So, we ended up taking the measurement of main things that would affect it as it was hard to decide anything there. Then started googling for ideas about the decoration.

I know very well that I am not a creative person. But at-least I wanted to be honest and creative while copying the ideas from others. While doing some re-search on the decoration, I accidentally came across balloon modelling, which really grabbed my attention. Immediately I ordered some modelling balloons and a pump to start learning. In two weeks time I could get a good handle on copying some models. These balloons can't be kept for more than 3-4 days. If I am not fast enough, I wont be able make enough models in the limited time that I get.

With that additional learning, we got a reasonably good blueprint for your birthday party decoration. It also helped us in getting more with very less money. The only thing left was to execute the plan properly in 3 hours. Luckily Vasanth and Manju were there very early to start the decoration. They put their creativity as well to the plan to make it look more elegant. Chetan and Kishor joined later to help. Still, there was a lot left to do after 2 hours. I had to come back to get ready and pick you all. I was certainly nervous as I wasn't sure things will turn up as I imagined. I knew it was hard to get things done in time, but was very optimistic with so much of planning. The last hope left was the people, who are generally very kind not to turn up in time for any event!

However, when I came back it was very delightful! The entrance was welcoming everyone with mild decoration.

 

The stage was nicely set with good number of balloons and other balloon models.

Some more models were hanging here and there within kids reach. Luckily I didn't have to put any label saying what those models really are!


 

The flower pots and flowers on the table also looked quite nice. So is your collage on the background.

 The cake wasn't as good as it looked on their website. The writings were so horrible that I just felt like erasing it on the spot. But it smelled good, so I was optimistic that it will also taste good.

We cut the cake after most of the people arrived. There were close to 60 adults 10 kids and 15 infants. Not a bad number as we met most of them after coming here. The food wasn't bad, though it wasn't as good as it tasted in their restaurant.

You both slept very nicely amidst the big crowd (Thanks for Swathi's and Vasanth's mom to free up our hands)! We had a very good time talking to everyone. There were a lot of hands in cleaning everything at the end. It felt really great for so many friends to stay up with us to help and celebrate. Though I am not a big fan of special days, I realized how great it feels to celebrate!

Everyone said the arrangements and decorations were really nice. They also showed their surprise in getting all that done managing you both! Of-course, I don't believe all that they said. They will have their compulsion of not giving any negative feedback even if it was bad. I understand the feeling of showing some kindness, encouragement and sympathy! But what matters most for me is that whether I was satisfied with what we have done. Certainly I was. It was the first celebration that we organized and we didn't screw it up!

Oh, yes. we have already started thinking about your next birthday! It will sure be different and better. But, sadly I don't think you will have any fun in your second birthday as well. But, I know it doesn't matter to you. We have fun every day, not just on birthday! 

The naked truth - 2

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

You must have realized by this time that there is too much hidden beneath these clothes. Peeping through them to see what they are really covering would be quite exciting. I need to focus my attention strictly on the subject or else it will drag me to somewhere else. So, I will be more serious this time.

Like food and shelter, dresses are also essential. Their role in human life is multiple, some of which are essential and some are not. Like shelter, it will protect us from the severe weather conditions. That is likely the primary use of clothing during initial period of human race. The secondary use of the clothing is for the 'cultured society' to protect them from their shame of nakedness. No other roles of the clothing are fundamental for human beings.

There is a major Jain division called 'Digambara' which treats the sky as their clothing. Thousands of years back, they had realized that clothes aren't a basic necessity of human beings. According to some traditions, all the followers of jainism were renounced of all the attachments and bindings, including the emotion of shame at ones nakedness. A part of the community migrated to south at some point due to the prediction of famine, and the other stayed back in the north. But, gradually the community in the northern part became relaxed in their practice of austerity and started wearing white clothes. That sounds quite logical as the weather in northern part of India is very cold compared to the south.

                        (Source:http://www.trekearth.com/gallery/Asia/India/South/Karnataka/Shravanabelagola/photo345923.htm)

That makes me wonder whether the clothes are really essentially for human beings. If there are still people who think it isn't essential, it wouldn't have been essential part of human life for some time. But how do we go back in the history to find when people really started thinking 'nakedness is a shame and we need clothes to cover that'. When everyone is naked, why would some one even consider that as a shame or problem? Imagine a world where we are brought up in an environment where our elders don't program our brains with their perception of what 'shame' is. In that world, would we be so paranoid about people not wearing anything to cover their body?

Perhaps I don't need to go back in the history to find the answer. The answer might be just around us, in you and me. I didn't have any issues roaming around naked till the age of 5-6 years. After starting school, I started feeling the 'shame', because others repeatedly told me that it is 'shame'. You certainly enjoy not wearing clothes at present. The joy of not wearing them is very evident in your expressions. After all, we share the same genes! If we are surrounded by people of our mentality, when would we start feeling the guilt of not wearing anything? Would it continue till our adolescence? That is still a hard question as we are trying to answer something we would never experience in our life. It is not much different than going back in the history to find exactly when human race started thinking of wearing the clothes to cover the shame of nudity.

No one has come up with a convincing theory for human evolution. Darwin's evolution theory worked well only in our high school exams. Even if we accept his theory of evolution by giving some additional credits, it only proves that clothes weren't essential part of the human life. None of the early descendants of homosepians were seen wearing clothes. Except for us, none of the other species in this world has seen the need for wearing clothes. So let us forget the evolution theory and believe that God created us all as a 'special species'. I don't know whether God is also ashamed of nudity or not. But I am sure he didn't want us to feel the shame of nudity. According to Abrahamic religions, Adam and Eve didn't have the shame of nudity till they ate that rotten apple. If god wanted us to wear the clothes, he would have created us fully cladded with beautiful clothes. But none of us are born with clothes, neither we wear any clothes after the death. So the need for clothes in human life is only transient.

Thinking again, I no longer think that the primary reason for wearing clothes is for protection against the weather. The other species in the nature use food and some kind of shelter for their survival, but don't use clothes for the protection against adverse climate. The same logic should hold good for human beings as well. The initial human race might have started in a hot terrain and later migrated to other colder places for whatever reasons. The weather is unlikely to be the key reason for clothes even in those places as our body would have found some way of bearing that similar to other living beings or the migration wouldn't have happened. So, the primary reason for wearing clothes must be same everywhere. That is to cover up things that we don't want to expose!

What we are trying to cover up isn't that easy to understand. If you think that the clothes are to cover up the sexual organs, you are certainly wrong. Every one has got the reproductive organs, so what is the need for hiding it? I can't see any pressing issues. The cover is needed only for those secrets that we would like to hide from others. Those are the secrets that others wouldn't have expected from us. Those are the secrets that would have changed their opinion on what we really are! Those are the secrets that our mind cannot effectively hide from others like our normal thoughts. The cover is essentially for the mind that has the control over our secrets, not for the body parts that acts as a vehicle to express it!

The growth sprout during adolescence period brings a number of rapid changes in ones body and the brain. The physical and psychological developments during this period also includes the production of hormones that control ones sexual desires. In the absence of clothes, the naked body acts as a catalyst for ones sexual desires. The natural desires aren't easy to control and the desire soon stimulates the hormones turning what was essentially invisible in ones mind into physical form through various body parts linked with sexual arousal. It is those desires that aren't common to all and the ones everyone want to hide from others. If not, those thoughts at a wrong time will make the situation very uncomfortable for everyone involved. The thoughts are hard to control, but not the actions. So, it makes perfect sense to hide those thoughts, that need not necessarily result in any action. People who have absolute control over their sexual thoughts, don't need to cover up anything for themselves. Still, they will have to do that for others to prevent being a source of stimulus igniting the sexual feelings in others. That will also help in maintaining some order in our society. Many wars have been fought in the name of love and sex. Absence of clothing could have only made it worse. So, covering our body is essential to keep our secrets of sexual desire within our-self and also to minimize the sexual desires of others. That is the basic need of clothing for human beings, all others are secondary.

I finally got a convincing answer to Ashwini's question. I can go out naked in the public when I reach the stage where I have absolute control over my hormones. Still, I wouldn't do that unless I am sure that others watching me also have achieved the same level of control. That is when every one of us attain the status of those Jain monks. For them, the 'salvation' can't be reached unless one wins the war against their hormones. When we achieve that, we won't have anything to hide anymore! But not every one is after the 'salvation', we have our choices!

The naked truth - 1

Dear Arjun and Anirudh,

I know you get bored of hearing about your growth stories all the time. I wanted to tell you about other interesting things also from a long time. But as usual, the days are still having only 24 hours and a third of that is still reserved by my sleepy mind. Few days back, I looked at one of the articles shared by a friend of mine. I was very surprised to see that the author has somehow stolen my thoughts that I haven't shared with anyone. I could see my thoughts being framed as stale copy by not sharing them soon enough. So, came back quickly to put things together, but soon realized that the very thought of a fresh idea itself is an illusion. There is absolutely no way of proving that no one had thought about an idea earlier. So, there is no point in thinking that an idea or a thought originated only from one person. They are more like our software patents. Many would have thought about it, but only a few would go about expressing it outside.

If you haven't noticed already, one of the common fights that I have with your mother is over the selection of dresses. I don't have to explicitly say that it is over my dresses, and occasionally yours! I have a very clear expectation from my dresses. Its primary job is to make me feel comfortable, rather than to work on enhancing my looks! You can assume that it is due to the realization that even the best dresses can't help much with my looks! So, logically it doesn't make much sense for me to invest much effort on my clothing. Selection of a good dress is one of the most complicated tasks. Most of the time, what looks good for her looks absolutely horrible for me! And what looks good for me doesn't go well with her tastes. To complicate things, what she is really after is the appreciation from others looking at those dresses. And I have no idea how difficult it would be to know their taste and start dressing as per their interests. That is why I go with one simple rule. I don't put any restrictions on her dresses neither I take any restrictions from her on my selection!

Being an engineer, I continuously look for ways to save time by optimizing  my day-to-day routine. Some people see that as my laziness. I don't see much difference. Optimization is all about getting rid of unwanted things. I have stopped wearing formal dresses from years. As a side effect, I have also stopped ironing my shirts. I only keep one belt as searching/changing them is a pain. Whenever I wear some other pant without the belt, I end up holding them while running as they will also start running otherwise. I don't really care much about that as it is a fashion in England to wear the pants very low to show the underpants! I don't know whether the underwear companies pay for that space for advertising or it is just a not-for-profit service. Whenever your mom sees those teenagers, she will start scolding them with everything she has in her dictionary. On the other hand, I am in full support of them. If showing the back with deep cut blouse is a fashion in traditional India, why should she hate these teenagers still covering their body parts at least with underpants! Why do we even treat the underwears like a low class citizen. One of my friends used to wear multiple short pants inside his pants! How can she be so sure that what they are really showing off is their underwear? It could be a short pant inside the pant like my good friend, in which case she has no reason to blame them! If we go with that logic, even exposing the underwear isn't a wrong thing. They might be wearing more than one underwear or something in that category. Thinking more and more about that, I really fail to state clearly when she will get the right to blame them. In order to understand that, we need to define clearly some of the very basic things about dressing.

There was another argument we had related to this subject. When we shifted to our new apartment, I observed that the large bathroom window was very different to the windows from rest of the rooms. It was sufficiently tinted so that people from outside won't be able to see the bathroom. So, I never used to put the curtain when taking bath. After having the mould problem in bathroom, I went one level up to open the upper portion of the window as well without putting the curtain. Without much thinking, one might argue that I was taking bath with the window open! But, the angle of opening and the position of window is such that, unless someone really tries hard to see me taking bath, it wasn't easy to do that. Ashwini had fought with me several times against me taking bath without pulling the curtain. She also challenged me that everything would be visible very clearly from outside during the night with lights inside the bathroom. That was a fresh news for me. I couldn't buy that argument above my own instincts. The people who have designed the flat must have surely thought about that. Otherwise why would they take the pain to have a different window only for the bathroom. If not for Indian standards, at least for the UK standards! Even in India, the standards are very low when it comes to males. It is quite common to take bath in public with only underwear! So, there wasn't anything I needed to worry here. Still, I wanted to verify her argument. So I checked how it would look in the night with lights on. I could see few things that were very very blur. I could identify moving objects, but it was impossible to know clearly what I was seeing. But things were very clear for her eyes. So we went with the third party to resolve the conflict. The third party gave the verdict that the bathroom is partially visible, so it is not acceptable for ladies, but gentlemen may chose not to worry. That small edge from the third party was sufficient to ignite the flame. The war of words continued. Naturally, I like to win the arguments like any other human beings. But at the same time, I do want to realize my mistakes. If not at that time, atleast after the heat of argument was reduced! I was only arguing against her opposition of my freedom to take bath with open curtain. The third party judgement was technically not against my stand. Still, it was against my perception of the matter in general. We continued the argument for some more time and then Ashwini asked, 'if you are acting so liberal, why don't you walk naked in the streets?'. It came as a shock for me. I don't generally get such quality response back from her. I didn't have an answer ready this time. I just told 'I know what was expected of me in this society, so I act accordingly. I don't see any issues taking bath with open curtain, but I do see issues walking nakedly'.

I don't know whether that convinced her or not. But definitely it wasn't convincing to me. It was a very poor answer to my standards. It was just an ordinary answer to win the argument for the sake of winning, not the one that could give me a satisfaction of winning. I had always been taught that 'food, clothes and shelter are the basic necessities of all human beings'. Without food we can't live. Without shelter we can't bear the scorching sun, chilling cold or the pouring rain. But, can't we live without the clothes? We are not born with the clothes neither we wear them after the death. So, why are we so mad about them in between. It makes sense for people living in UK or other cold countries. But not much to people in India and other hot countries.  So, I started thinking very seriously on that question. Somehow, it didn't look as important as the other two basic necessities.

My recollection of the childhood memories doesn't show me or my friends with much clothes around. Perhaps we were wearing even less clothes than that of bollywood actresses! When we were kids, we only used to get 1 pair of clothes per year during deepaavali. That is one of the reason why deepavali was so special for us! I don't think we were really wearing anything when we were like you. Untill 5 years of age, roaming around naked was very common in our village. We used to get clothes once in a year, but there were few who didn't even had that luxury! Up to 10 years, we used to take bath naked, publicly. It was very common, atleast in our village, so we never felt that was unusual.

But, that is not the case with you! The only time I see you naked is while changing the nappy and giving bath. Other times you were always covered. That makes sense as you are living in this cold country where being naked isn't as exciting and encouraging as it was for us. We visited India for the first time after your birth when you were about 6 months old. Since it was very hot, we had to strip you to the nappy most of the time. And for some reason, that looked quite odd for us! Whereas seeing you in full clothes was quite odd for your grandma and others over there. They were used to seeing babies of your age naked. So they weren't quite getting the feel of you as 6 month old infants! Since it was very hot and the nappies were expensive, we happily gave you the freedom for few more days, which also made them happy!

That also reminded few other incidents of my childhood. When my sisters were in high school, one of my uncles brought two chudidhars as a gift to them for his marriage. My father was very furious to see those dresses. It was very uncommon for girls to wear chudidhar's in our village. It took more than a week of drama for my uncle and mother to convince my father. Even though he gave his permission at the end, I don't think he really liked them wearing that dress for the marriage. Later, more and more girls started wearing that dress and it became the de-facto standard for ladies dress in the entire village. The scenes were pretty much similar, but probably with less drama when my cousins started wearing jeans. I don't think they still wear that in our village. Forget them, I don't think even your mother wears jeans in our home, though I have told her repeatedly to wear that many times. I don't see much point in trying to pretend in order to please others. But, that could be just me!

There is a tribe in our village called 'kudubis'. The traditional kudubi ladies don't wear any blouse like other ladies. They just wrap the sari slightly higher to cover their chest area. Any of the film actresses wearing that kind of dress would surely attract a lot of attention. Unfortunately, in our village, it was mainly their older generation who were following that traditional dress code. The younger generation found that little uncomfortable with the society and switched to the dress code of the majority.

These incidents really made me think hard about this subject. Why those younger generation should feel ashamed about their dress code of the tribe. There is so much of nudity in the temple scriptures, still why people feel so shameful about the nudity? If we are not having the dress during our birth and death, why are we being so paranoid about these dresses in the middle? Why people even go to the extent of judging a person based on the dress they are wearing? I started thinking hard on this subject on the very same bathroom that ignited these questions. With the curtain and the window open, all the foul smell went outside and the cool wind started blowing some fresh ideas to my head. I finally came out of the bathroom enlightened!